I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
