i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Found the puke drawer
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
