addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
