The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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