I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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