i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
