I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
