i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
