Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
