we're blogging at a bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
