i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
