I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
