wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
