I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
