he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
