i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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