Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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