a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
