everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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