it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
