Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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