I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
