i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
