mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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