Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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