I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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