im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
