The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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