@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize