And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
