she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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