I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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