So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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