I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
