On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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