this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
