Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
