no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
