I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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