oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize