i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
