does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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