i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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