I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
