you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
