i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
