No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
