dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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