Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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