Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
