she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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