I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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