He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
