Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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