I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
