Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
