so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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