I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
