fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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