ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
