Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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