So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
