I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
me + whiskey = a bad person
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
