You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
