his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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