After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
