I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
