summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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