I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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