You can't motorboat a personality
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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