I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will pee on everything he values.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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