so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's like heaven, but drunker
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
