yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
