Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I love you. Go after that dick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
